01/11/11 Falling in love with Nikinzi

Today was my longest shortest day, my body is so beat up and tired, but when Annie came to round us up for the night, I felt like it just wasn't enough time.

The Azzeale was a way different experience for me today than yesterday, I felt more productive, less depressed and more inspired. I held the youngest baby in the hospital, he is 5 months, but he is as small as a newborn. I kept telling him that he was such a beautiful princess until his cloth diaper unfolded mistakenly and I realized he was a boy.

The sisters asked us to bring some of those big water jugs up from outside and to the different wings of the Azzeale, even though it proved to be a physical challenge. When I walked through the main area, where nearly a hundred different people sat and waited for medical attention, with a big water jug over my shoulder - it made me feel like the person with the answers. It was a nice feeling.

The walk home proved to be another long one, but when we got back - instead of jumping into sorting clothing donations (which we did yesterday), we kind of just hung and talked within our own group. Not about Haiti, or poverty, or the kids, just about life. Food from home. Our families. It's nice to feel connected, in tune, and in touch.

After a long talk that was drawn out mostly because we didn't want to go back to sorting clothes - it was already time for lunch or dinner as it is known here in Haiti (our dinner being their supper). Dinner was white rice, bean sauce, beet salad and okra with goat. I'm starting to see more that most of our dinners are big meals. And our supper, which in the states would be dinner, are much lighter meals. Which makes a lot of sense, especially in the sense of digestive issues and things like that.

We got to hang out at the orphanage after dinner, which is my favorite part of the day. And the kid who's name I have been screwing up is actually Olichard but it is pronounced 'oh-lee-shaar'. He sat and talked with me for hours, but which seemed like minutes. About his family, and how long he has been here, and all things of the sort. Everything he said sounded so simple, but I was lost in his story. He knew all of the kids, when they came here and their entire rap sheet. He was like a search engine for everything that was 'Maison Fortune' related. It was awesome.

I fell in love with Nikinzi, he is 3 and absolutely gorgeous ! Both times that I held him today, he fell directly to asleep. It was so nice to rock him to sleep, it gave me a little 'peace and comfort' in his peace and comfort.

I'm really excited for the festivities tomorrow; it will be officially one year since the earthquake, they have a mass planned as well as several readings, and our group donated money to get the kids, chicken legs and coke - which is something they normally only get on Christmas. I'm not sure if I should expect sadness or happiness from the kids tomorrow. Typically I guess you would say sadness because of remembering all the devastation from the earthquake - but I have learned that nothing here is typical.



(Nikinzi pictured above)

Never-ending games of Slaps !

01/10/11 Leaving for the holidays

After breakfast we had morning prayer and then we went over to the Azzeale. I'm still trying to get used to the flow of the reading and the responses whenever it's time for either morning or evening prayer, but I think I'm way better than when we practiced at the retreat.

The walk to the Azzeale was a bit of a hike, but it blew by pretty fast. I wasn't excited or anything like that, becuase I egnerally hate hospitals, but the idea of being able to gold and play with some babies seemed rather appealing and definetly made the walk much quicker.

When we got there, there were less babies, becuase the lss critical ones were premitted to return home for the holidays. The first baby's cib that I approaches, he didn't seems that eager to get out f his crib, so while everyone just grabbed a baby immediately. I kind of just stood by his crib and let him feel me out. We sort of had this game going. I would tickle him and then turn away from his crib really quickly, and then he would tap me and we would go through the motions again and again.

The second baby I just jumped right in for, I picked him up and we went out to the porch to hold him, where some of the others were, with their babies. I just held him close to my chest for a while, just rocked him until the silence was ever present and the connection was so strong that I could feel the wheesing in his chest everytime he took a breathe.

It made me cry, I was over the idea of not wanting anyone to see me cry -- after Nick and Chantal both cried in last nights reflection, I wasn't worried about anyone judging me, we were all undergoing the emotional stress of all the things going on right now in Haiti.

I continued to cry, tears kept falling, and I kept praying that God heal this baby. That God remove this cough, that God absolve him of sickness. I told him that I loved him and then rocked him until the tears stopped.

Soon he was ready to get up, we were walking around the floor together. More like, he was running and I was following behind trying my best to ensure that he didn't hurt himself. He was amazing, full of smiles and energy, he didn't let his sickness overpower him. I was envious.

I did a couple more rotations with different babies and it was already time to leave. The walk home seem to be so much longer than the walk there, it's nothing like having to walk away from a crying baby to make your walk feel long.

01/10/11 Questions for last nights reflection

I really enjoyed reflection last night, Kristen lead it and she gave a list of questions that you could either fill out on the sheet or in your journal just for the sake of being able to keep my responses with me more effectively -- in the journal they went !

1. The reasons I wanted to be a part of this mission trip are:

- because I wanted to experience what life was like in a 3rd world country
- I wanted to connect with people on a different level
- I wanted to hang with the kids, and give them tons of love and affection

2. I think the hardest part of this trip will be:

- leaving the kids on thursday, I'm already dreading that part

3. I'm looking forward to:

- learning more creole and maybe being able to hold a decent conversation by the time I leave

4. This week I hope I can:

- overcome my oversensitivity or pickiness about so many different kinds of food

5. What do you think this week will do for you personally:

- make me more humble, and more accepting of people on a wider scale

6. Did you picture Haiti this way back home ?

- No, I actually thought it would be worst, it's nice to see that the kids are fed really well and that they are  really happy and having a genuine family connection

7. One memory or thing you hope to bring back to others ?

- meeting Oday and his one sheet of paper

01/09/11 Goat Soup

Dinner was goat soup with rice, so I had rice for dinner. Which I really don't mind. The rice had green peas in it, but its wasn't exactly puerto rican style rice (arroz con guisado), but it was cool.

Kayleigh is sick already, Annie thinks it might be sun poisoning. I hope she feels better by tomorrow, being sick is miserable. She is going to be one of my main focuses for night prayer.

After lunch and after the pedicure salon closed, I sat down with my friend Olichard who is in high school here, he sat with me and talked to me about how things are here and his daily routines and similar things to this. I asked him a ton of different questions, one of them being, if he has a girlfriend. He told me that he doesn't like Haitian girls because they are "liars."

He said "they will tell you that they don't have a boyfriend even if they do, so that you will date them." 

I almost wanted to tell him that most girls are liars, even way beyond the streets and villages of Haiti, but I just listened - trying my best to be as objective as possible. It felt good being able to listen and nobody expecting you to have the answers to anything.

Olichard asked me if I had a boyfriend, I told him yes and then he asked if he was white. I was shocked that this was his initial assumpiton - he went on to explain that most black girls here (Haiti) want white guys. I'm assuming maybe because they feel like white people have money. But he didn't say anything about that -- that part was just me assuming. He even asked me did I love him and I nodded 'yes' - and then he asked "does he love you so much?" and I was taken back. I mean the only person that has ever asked me about my feeling for Quan would be my mom and even she has never asked me if He loves me "so" much. I just looked at him for a second and so much of his demeanor and assertiveness reminded me of Quan and then I gently responded -- "yes, he loves me soo much." He responded with a smile.

I continued to grill him with questions about the orphanage - is it safe ? Has anyone been kidnapped ? Is there security at night ? -- It was really comforting to have someone to talk to outside of my group that understood at least a little english. In mid-conversation, we were interrupted by a little guy name 'Oday' that was playing with another little guy name 'Jony.' They asked me if I could take pictures of them - by staring at me, smiling and then saying "foto ! foto !" After I took a couple of pictures of the happiest kids that I've met all day, then Ashley walked over and we started playing thumb wars with Oshalee and Woshelle.

(Jony - Pictured)

Oshalee didn't really know how to play, so Ashley taught him while Woshelle kept trying to cheat me using his index finger as a trick move. But I was in beast mode.

Right in the middle of the thumb wars, we got bullied into playing this other game called 'Slaps,' I must have played a 100 times with 50 different little boys -- it's so amazing how the simplest things make them so happy.

I'm already kind of bummed that were leaving on Thursday, it's only Sunday, but I really don't want to leave them and I'm not really sure if I'm ready for the Azzeale tomorrow -- I guess these are all things I will bring up in reflection tonight.

01/09/11 After Morning Prayer

I just got in from playing with the kids and I'm exhausted. I did so many things today, I almost wonder will they be bored with me by the end of the week.

After morning prayer we went to mass with everyone at the orphanage, it seemed to last forever because they said everything in three languages - English, Creole, and French. The kids wore impatient which led to a lot of fidgeting. It's weird that you expect to be so different, because we are way over here in Haiti, but they are just the same as kinds in the states. I wish Quan (my boyfriend) could be here - he loves kids so much, he would love every kid here.

I sat in mass under a mango tree that was mango-less with a little girl on each leg of my lap and wished I could give them everything - but I cant, so I whispered to each of them 'I Love You' and even though they didn't speak a lick of English - I figured love is universal.

After mass we took a three mile walk/hike through Hinche, we walked to the Azzeale which is like a small hospital/healing center then to the Hinche airport, most people smiled and waived; some people standing by the streets as we walked past were a little grim. As we traveled down the roads that are unpaved and dusty - more and more people came out of their small shacks to look at us. The kids were happy, I seen so many naked babies, I just wanted to hold them, clean them and love them all over !

When we got back from the hike it was already time for lunch, which was DELICIOUS!!! My mom would probably freak if she knew that I was eating rice and beans and roasted chicken in a country that your not even really supposed to breath in. But either way it was super yummy.

After lunch, I hung out with the girls, I pulled out the nail polish and stuff. But because they cannot wear nail polish on their nails to school, I got stuck doing like a 100 little Haitian toes, it was so nice to make them smile.

But dinner is being served soon, so now I'm hungry, even though before Annie mentioned dinner was being served soon, I was so full from lunch. I'm excited to see what dinner is going to be tonight, I'm starting to get even closer with everyone, its nice to bond with these guys, because I don't feel like these are the same people that I would normally find myself in the same social circle with.

01/09/11 Just Before Prayer

The lights just went out on there own last night in the middle of me journaling, which left me in complete darkness until Dave came by with a flashlight. It was so dark, I mean that sounds so simple, but the intensity of the darkness here is so dense. There are no people outside or cars riding by, no streetlights.

Its just darkness, immense darkness. It was hard for me to get to sleep at first. So I put my iPod on and layed down for a couple hours and then when I felt more comfortable, I pulled the headphones out of my ears and knocked out. I woke up with the needing of having to pee, realllllllly badly, but every time I opened my eyes and took in all the darkness, my bladder slowly began not to feel so full.

We have morning prayer at eight which gives me a couple of minutes - because I believe that it is about 7:45 AM. It's so weird no having an exact handle on time. I cant just pull out my phone for an update.

I cant wait to spend some more time with the kids today - I wish I spoke Creole - it's so hard for me to have conversations with some of them. But they are very patient with me and they try their hardest to help me understand.

I want to hold all of them, I wonder how long it's been since they have been held or if they have ever been held. It amazes me how pure their spirits are and how similar they are to American kids. They mostly just want your attention and they lied to me so much about their ages. The 3 yrs olds, tell me that their 5, the 4 yrs old tell me that their 6, even this kid who was about 7 tries to convince me that he was 12. I loved every second of it.

I wish my mom could meet them, she could give them so much love. I mean, I have a lot to give, but her love kind of just pours and then completely surrounds you until your all full up of love.

I'm determined to remember some names today at least 10-15  or so, I met at least 40 kids yesterday , and all their names sort of overwhelmed me.

Ohh -- I scraped myself against a nail yesterday and it stung while I was sleeping. I hope I don't get like gain green or something.