01/08/2011 Flying Out

10:25 AM

Good Morning ! I just woke up =) It was a pretty nice sleep, considering I was in an aisle seat in the 40th row of coach. It was either fall into the nice Indian woman on my right or fall into the aisle. Nevertheless, my sleep was both peaceful and casualty free. I woke up to paperwork and goodies of the sort.

Ashely handed me customs declaration  and another form that asked me every personal question besides my blood type. It took me forever to fill it out. I kept wondering who or what exactly that I was filling these papers out for. I mean like I get that its to document who comes in and out of the country, but I was still curious to who it was really for; so that I can kind of tailor my answers appropriately.

Should I write 'American' in the nationality box so that someone somewhere documents that Americans care about problems that Haiti are facing and that we are doing all that we possibly can to help or does this paper find its way into the hands of criminals or kidnappers, I have to write the address of where we will be staying -- so if that's even a slight possibility than writing 'American' anywhere on this green or white paper is almost ludicrous. I don't know - sometimes my brain just runs a rampage over the smallest thing, it drives me crazy just a little.

I found this cool channel on the little screen in front of me, it displays our altitude, distance traveled, arrival time and map of us flying over countries to display our approximate location. Sometimes I feel like I have two different personalities, one that wants to grow up quick, be married and have a family. And the other that just wants to live by learning, just flowing with whatever comes my way.

A part of me just wants to go invisible and sit on top of The Great Wall of China and just breathe or row a gondola maybe through Venice trying to soak in every bit of history along the way. A part of me wants to never go home, just venture from place to place, building and growing and learning and changing only to venture to a new destination.

But then responsibility hits you and obligations and everybody in your family expects something from you and it makes the Aegean sea that flows past Greece, the coldest thought you ever had and the meal you could have from in a quaint little cafe seem like garbage. Because if you traveled all of your life, who would come to your funeral ?

We are starting to hit turbulence, which is becoming obvious by my decrepit handwriting and ridiculous notion that anything beside being 564 miles in the air can make worse.

Saying goodbye to my mom and Quan wasn't as bad as I expected. I didn't cry at first. But when I talked to him after I cleared security and baggage check -- when he explained to me that he looked up the flight, it is $142.00 and he would be there within 4 hours (exact flight time) from whenever I said I needed him. I cried a little, not because I was sad or even because I'm scared to go to Haiti, because I really am not. But more because I never thought that kind of love existed outside of your family; and me having a family of one - my mom.

I didn't think many people possessed the ability to love another person so much, it wasn't a big gesture, really $142 dollars is not even a whole lot of money. It was more in the serious manner in which he spoke it that let me know he was serious and that WE were serious.

The pilot jumped on the PA a couple of minutes ago and let us know that we were exactly an hour away like 15 or 20 minutes ago which is kind of exciting, I think I'm ready for this journey. God has been so good to me through every step and like I told my mom a few days ago -- I never felt so connected with my faith, it's really a peaceful experience.

God has a way of taking all of your worries and just chucking them, like as if they were never really worries to begin with. My God truly is an awesome God.

It's hard establishing faith in a world like this, being 19 and feeling alone in the thick of it. But its almost like I can be in the absolute middle of nowhere and feel more connected that if I was singing "Kumbaya" with hand in hand with every new yorker in Manhattan.

I AM BLESSED.

(picture above is me with Martine, just making our way out of the airport)